Well I might as well get it over with. I’ve just had a brain scan.
And yes, for the benefit of the comedians who read the Indy, they found that I have one. And yes, it was the right size. And I can tell anyone who is interested, they found nothing wrong with it.
So laugh all you like, because I know that my brain is all right, thank you Jack.
I also had my carotid arteries scanned and was told the veins in my neck are all squeaky clean, so wash that down with skimmed milk.
My liver, my thyroid, well I think you get the drift. Everything is working as it should, except for one important detail. I was a touch anaemic. Now if I cut myself, I bleed, but I don’t faint. If I see someone else bleed I will be concerned, but I would not panic, I would try to help.
But if I am told for the next three hours, 300ml of someone else’s red stuff is going to slowly drip into my right arm, I will feel decidedly ill.
Now let me say just one important thing. Thank you! I am extremely and profoundly grateful. But I will still feel ill.
I can’t explain why but it is a fact. Anyway, the job was done (twice) and here I am typing away.
Now, obviously I have no idea who the two people are who are now part of my blood pressure but I hope that your donation is pleased to be whooshing and splooshing through my spotless arteries.
I shall try to be careful with your gift.
I was in Noble’s for three days.
I was well looked after from the minute the ambulance dropped me off at the side door until the porter and his wheelchair waved me goodbye at the front door.
I arrived in A&E at about midday on the Monday. The waiting room was full, the examination rooms were full and the noticeboard told those who could read that there would be a waiting time of four hours before they would be seen by a doctor.
As usually happens, by the time you see your GP you are starting to feel better.
When you arrive at the dentist’s surgery your toothache suddenly vanishes.
And when I had jumped the queue and was on the bed in an examination room I felt fine but I was now in the system.
In my case, this was my second admission in eight days so they had decided to ‘keep me in’.
My holiday lasted three days. I was looked after by the nurses, examined by the doctors and fed by the caterers.
And I thank them one and all. Their combined efforts and a couple of medication adjustments and here I am, back at work.
Have you been up to Noble’s recently? Free health care for all must cost an absolute fortune to provide.
And the day to day running of the place. I just don’t know how they do it.
We have all heard about someone’s Uncle Joe who almost had the wrong leg amputated and the patient who was sent an appointment to see the cardiologist four weeks after he had died from a heart attack.
I have no doubt that some mistakes can and will happen, and in a hospital, even the smallest of errors could prove serious and must be avoided.
But when you think about the sheer volume of folk who are treated every day it is a credit to staff at all levels, from the cleaner to the consultant, that the huge machine we all know simply as Noble’s, works so well.
But I have to end this visit to the hospital on a serious note. I mentioned I had a couple of 300ml bags of blood slowly dripped into one of my arms.
Now I am very grateful for my gift but I have one or two slight reservations.
Is it possible, do you think, you can be influenced by the previous owner via his blood?
I could find myself supporting Millwall instead of Chelsea.
I only mention this, because I have recently started to think about joining the Liberal Vannin Party.