THE police announced last week that they were clamping down on speeding motorists in the Isle of Man.
That’s good. For me at least.
If this column fails to make its usual appearance in the Examiner today it is because instead of being quick I am dead.
The Hellfire Corner of Douglas has finally finished me off.
This is not what it’s really called. It’s actually at the lower end of Blackberry Lane. It is the turning second on the left as you come into Blackberry Lane from Summer Hill.
For me it is the place at the end of the drive leading from my residence to Blackberry Lane is which my way out into the traffic.
It is where I stop and peer fearfully to left and right to make sure a predatory motorist is not going to wipe me out.
They come out of Summer Hill at high speed and I have to anchor up before they hit me.
They see me all right, peering out of my car fretfully in both directions. But they are disinclined to let me out and go on my way.
They are the quick of Hellfire Corner. I am potentially the . . . oops.
IT has been a few weeks since the Isle of Man Food and Drink Festival took place in the Villa Marina.
Dave Cretney has been on to tell me he was there and there were a number of talks being given for the benefit of members of the public.
One was called ‘The Joy of Tarts’.
He tried to get in but it was already full of other men.
WE have a crossword clue sent in by Frank Bond. It was in the Yorkshire Post magazine as follows: ‘Beetle, one races, I follow using luxury car (7).’
Last week I’m afraid I had to report I had no crossword clues for publication.
This encouraged Audrey Fogelman to come on to say she was amused to see me admitting that I was clueless.
Frank was also on to say that in the Examiner there was a story about a young man in court for being ‘drunk and capable’.
You have to admit, that’s pretty good going.
MANX Radio news had a story last week about a fire in a building in Regent Street, Douglas, and newsreader Tanya Humbles said the fire brigade was turned out in response to reports of ‘smoke bellowing’ from the windows.
It was a roaring fire then.
TANYA can take consolation from the fact that even the best of us can get it wrong.
On the Today Programme on BBC Radio 4 presenter Sarah Montague, giving a quick look at the weather, said there were going to be ‘sunny smells.’
There are more malapropisms in. They are ‘The summer sauces’ (think solstice), ‘The Mystery of Defence’ and ‘He collects fridge maggots’.
BUGATTI.
AFTER Dougie Lampkin rode round the TT course doing a wheelie, he told Manx Radio ‘I am over the world’.
If he had done it on two wheels would he have been over the moon.
FUNNIES File: A personal advert in the Isle of Man Courier said: ‘Thirty-one-year old farm worker seeks relationship with woman around same age. Interests are milking cows and motor bikes.’
Cowasakis?
NEW definitions: Esplanade: Attempting an explanation when drunk.