WE will all have to stand up and be counted in the Isle of Man in 19 days time. Or sit down and be counted or lie down and be counted or go to sleep and be counted or even go away for a holiday and be counted. There is no escape.
What I mean is that our next population census will take place on Sunday, April 24. We will have to fill in our forms declaring our existence in the Isle of Man, as long as we don’t die before May 6.
Like everybody else I have had a communication from the Isle of Man Government census office at the appropriately named Welcome Centre at the Sea Terminal warning that it is a legal requirement that we should fill our form in.
If we don’t do it so-called census officers will be calling to collect the forms from those who have not returned them by the deadline. It sounds like we will be hunted down if we don’t co-operate.
What the census officers will do if we have died I am not certain. It’s their problem.
There is one big difference from previous censuses, if that’s the plural. We can do it online. We are told: ‘Each household will be provided with a 13 digit unique online access code.’
No thank you. I will do mine digitally with a hand-held ballpoint pen.
THE Manx Independent gave the welcome news last week that the skeleton of the Manx Museum’s magnificent giant deer, which is even older than me, will be back on display next month. The headline on the story said: ‘Irish Elk returns after a mammoth makeover.’
Doesn’t look like a mammoth to me.
THERE is a dearth of appropriate crossword clues at the moment. The only one we have today has come in from Frank Bond and it was in the Telegraph Big Book of Crosswords as follows: ‘Manxman, perhaps, tells us how to catch a mermaid’ (8).
THERE was an interesting verbal exchange last week at a meeting of the Positive Action Group which was discussing abortion. When a speaker referred to ‘ladies’ there was an interruption from none other than the formidable former MHK for Peel Hazel Hannan, a former midwife incidentally, who called out ‘Women!’ When the meeting was over and somebody thanked the gentlemen who attended there was another interruption. This time was it was ‘Men!’
Giving it to us straight?
THERE was a story in the Examiner last week in which there were two references to ‘prostrate cancer.’
This prompted a reproving email from Roger Mason at Ballakillowey who said he has just had his prostate gland removed and he wonders if you can get the other condition only when lying down. The next day he sent another email saying that he had also noticed a fundraising event for dealing with prostate cancer which was described as a ‘big poker event’.
Whatever else Mr Mason has lost it is not his sense of humour.
CROSSOWRD: Islander.
ANDREW Kerr-Phillips reports the following on the menu at the Nutty Chef Cafe in Onchan Precinct: ‘Afternoon teas served 9am till 2pm.’
Nutty?
FUNNIES FILE. Advertisements for Douglas bus services used to say: ‘Visit the Aquadrome, the island’s premier pool and spar facility.’
People were fighting to get in?
WORLD HEADLINE: ‘Juvenile court to try shooting defendant.’
Hanging him hadn’t worked?