MY mobile phone died in the night while I was asleep last week.
When I went downstairs in the morning to where it was plugged in there was no sign of life in the wretched thing.
Mind you it had left a farewell message on its screen.
It was: ‘Enter Pin Number.’ I didn’t know what to make of this.
But I did as I was told, wondering if my dead phone was going to give me some money.
It didn’t. It just sent another message telling me to send my pin number again.
This didn’t work either. I went straight to downtown Douglas, to the Manx Telecom establishment in Strand Street, where I opened negotiations by telling the young man behind the counter that I was half-witted when it came to technology.
He considered me briefly then said: ‘I understand perfectly sir.’
It took him a couple of minutes and a couple of questions, one of which was a request for my postcode and address for some impenetrable reason, to return my phone in its usual working order which consists largely of asking me if I wanted to do things I neither wanted nor understood.
I asked the young man if I could buy a mobile phone which did nothing more than make or receive phone calls. He told me they couldn’t provide anything of the sort. They couldn’t make one obviously.
That’s modern technology for you.
When we meet people these days we usually ask: ‘How are you?’ and usually these days we get the reply: ‘I’m good.’
I am tempted to ask if they help old ladies across the road, say their prayers every night and donate generously to Save the Children.
THIS week’s crossword clue has been sent in by John Corrin. It was in the Sunday Times as follows: ‘Heart races, locked in trunk.’
TWO items in from Andrew Kerr-Phillips. First, a headline in the Manx Independent as follows: ‘Charge is dropped against teenager.’
He must have been terribly hurt.
Second, also in the Manx Independent: ‘Bill is far-sighted says activist.’
He should have gone to Specsavers.
CROSSWORD: Bottle
I LIKE the bread from the Noa Bake House, especially the Half Manx Wild. But for me there is a mystery in the mix. It is sliced on the inside but not fully sliced on the outside. The crusts still stick together here and there.
It’s obviously an inside job.
.
IN this busy year for electioneering we are hearing and seeing the political jargon embracing the expression: ‘Going forward.’ A leading crab, Manx of course, said last night:
‘This is shellfishism.’
I have been asked what I would like to have incised on my headstone.
Spike Milligan set the standard with: ‘I told you I was ill.’
I can’t compete with that. But if anyone has any ideas, for mine or their own, I would be happy to hear from them.
FUNNIES File. The Examiner once headlined: ‘New direction for TT.’
Anti-clockwise?
WORLD HEADLINE: ‘Miners refuse to work after death.’
No overtime on offer?