I was on a mission in the supermarket the other day. I’ve discovered a way to get my own back.
We all have the same problem.
You track down whatever it is that you’ve been searching for, and guess what, a shelf stacker is in your way.
And now, the more senior shelf stackers have taken obstruction to a new level.
I once saw a young man bringing almost half the length of a full aisle to a standstill.
He had not one but two stock trolleys and mobile platform to stand on to fill the top shelves. He was a genius.
The trolleys were parked on one side of the aisle, and he was stacking on the other side.
Not only had he blocked off two sets of shelves, he had created a funnel that left only enough space for one-way through traffic.
Anyway, this plan. You can play the game solo but for greater effect you need two friends, each with a trolley.
What you do is to casually walk up and down the aisles, until you find a shelf stacker with a mixed cargo.
Now with some practice, you can work out where his next stop will be.
Then you phone your two friends, and arrange to meet as if by chance at that spot, and when the shelf stacker arrives, he finds three old codgers with trolleys where he wants to be. Brilliant.
Anyway, I was in the supermarket the other day, ready to cause a bit of confusion in the frozen foods department.
I don’t mean the upright cabinets, I mean the ones that they call chest freezers.
So as not to raise any suspicion, I was pretending to study the goods on display when a label on a packet of meat caught my eye: ‘Crocodile burgers’.
Now I am a meat eater. I enjoy meat, but I could no more eat a crocodile burger than I could a dried locust.
I like my food and will try almost everything.
I would draw the line at insects, snails and oysters but I am prepared to taste and try almost anything else. But not crocodile burgers.
I gave this particular cabinet a closer inspection. As well as the croc, there was ostrich, kangaroo, buffalo, wild boar and venison.
It made me ask myself: who eats all this exotic produce, and whatever will be next? Snake sausages, ferret fritters pony patties. Who thinks it all up? How do they kill a crocodile? How do they decide which parts to eat? Where does it all come from?
I wandered off and looked around the cabinets and shelves.
We get so used to things that were once considered to be exotic and now we take them for granted.
Just take a look at the tea and coffee shelves. The variety and choice is huge.
Further down the row, there must be 20 sorts of olives. And olive oil.
There must be dozens. If we were frying food, we used dripping or lard.
Even plain old bread and milk, two things that we definitely take for granted. We had the choice of brown or white; large or small.
And when the day came that you could buy a loaf of bread that was sliced, well, things were never the same again.
And good old milk. This was delivered every day by a man and a horse and cart.
Milk was white, creamy, delicious and uncomplicated. Now to buy a pint of milk you have to make a decision.
Food labelling brings a new set of challenges. Contents, ingredients, country of origin, sell by, best before, allergies, etc.
At one time we never had to worry about food labelling. The majority of our shopping was unwrapped and put in a paper bag at the time of purchase.
Life has become too complicated.
But think about this. If these young men have to use a special platform to stand on to fill the top shelves, how are old codgers such as me, expected to empty them?